2003-06-18 - 10:01 a.m.
So maybe I'm still the same person, but I've just come full circle. As if I knew myself at 17, rejected it at 18 and now as I reach 19 I realise I'm walking in reverse.
I wish I had never left this, or the path I was walking, or the thoughts I was thinking. That was the whole point of this, to find some clarity, to work things out for myself, to not tolerate influence. Yet in the end those influences won and I abandoned this journal and I abandoned myself.
And I'm really sorry about that, because I was onto something. I was breaking open the bud and beginning to show the petals, I was beginning to grow into something spectacular and amazing. I was about to love the way that would make me happiest.
In the arms of a woman, without judgement, without fear, just comfort and acceptance and the most wonderful feelings I will experience.
I want to unflick the switch, turn the lights on again, take back my clarity, my future, my everything. So I'm here again, and I'm here to stay.
